Marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain.--Irish Proverb


It was love at first sight!  She felt his gaze on her, and as she turned and looked deeply into his eyes, they found themselves moving across the room toward each other.., and they lived happily ever after!  Or did they?

What is the mechanism through which men and women are attracted to each other?  How does it work?  Why are we attracted to some people and not to others? How can we know if an attraction is a positive, or negative thing; something to pursue, or run from?

Someone once said something like:  ‘Beneath the superficial tinsel of Hollywood is the real tinsel of Hollywood.’  Attractive people, seemingly exciting lives, everything money can buy—but the proverbial cycle of short term relationships, high profile divorces with their child custody battles, and the shallow illusion of a false reality produced as a consumer item are the order of the day for many of these elite.  The pleasure and substance portrayed on the screen eludes them in their personal lives. If attractiveness alone were the rule for happy, fulfilling, relationships, then the Hollywood elite would have a corner on the market; but in fact they don’t—there must be more to the picture!

That there is an inherent ‘attraction factor’ built into us is obvious (we were created that way), but how we choose to direct and interact with this is our decision—and it should be an intelligent choice.  People who base their relationships on initial attraction seem to spend their entire lives going from one attraction to another, with no depth of relationship.

With men sight seems to often be the first spark of attraction.  Advertising uses this fact to the great advantage of the commercial world.  The female body has been used to sell everything from drain cleaner to cars; but when it comes to relationship, is a woman’s body just another expendable commodity?  While the paint and trim may catch the eye, at the end of the day it’s what’s under the hood that counts.  While the attraction may be a good place to start, there are numerous questions and considerations that need to be carefully assessed.  I think it was Zsa Zsa Gabor who said something like: ‘I learned housekeeping from my husbands.  When we divorce, I keep the house.’  Like with fishing, there just might be some things hidden in the bait.

With women it seems that often special attention sparks their interest.  Generally, women like to be looked at.  They love to be noticed and made to feel special and unique.  We often use the term 'attract-tive’ when referring to women.  This fact has been well used by charlatans and gigolos throughout the ages.  Give a woman a compliment about how she looks and you usually will get her attention.  Again, industry makes huge fortunes every year selling things that women believe will make them ‘attract-tive’.  A question a woman might want to ask herself is how does she want to present herself? Does she want to attract the type of men who will see her only as a sexual object? Or would she rather be seen and known as a whole person?  Someone once said; ‘Testosterone is the most dangerous chemical know to mankind!’  And playing with chemistry can be dangerous!

How many a woman has lamented giving themselves to a man who said he loved her, told her she was special, beautiful and the only one in the world for him; only to find this ‘love’ become cold and indifferent after he has shown his ‘love’ by conquering her in bed? Experienced men know that sweet talk and physical touch will turn a woman on, but while the woman may be thinking this represents bonding, care and love, to many men it is just a means to sexual gratification—they are using the woman as an object.

There is a difference between looks, personality and character.  These are separate entities that all need to be carefully assessed.  When we let ourselves begin to bond with someone emotionally and physically, there are changes that begin to take place in the limbic system of the brain, which is the seat of our emotions.  We are affected in the front brain as well, which is where the higher powers of will reason and judgment are located.  Creating bonds that are subsequently broken has a profound affect on our health and well being.  No matter what anyone may tell us, sexual involvement of any kind has a huge impact on our being, either for good or ill.  We’re not toys, but human beings created in God’s image, with the capacity to experience love and intimacy on deep levels, and through this share in the act of creation.

Attraction is an important, and powerful, part of our being.  Make it your servant; don’t become its slave!  Think about both the kind of person you want to attract to yourself, and the qualities of the person you want to be attracted to. If she is good looking, but likes to pick up someone new every night at the bar, probably not a good choice for someone to get involved with.  If he sweet-talks you and knows just how to dress, but is married (for the third time), and has a reputation of getting violent when he doesn't get his way, probably not such a good place to centre your hopes for the future. If you feel strongly attracted to someone, ask yourself why, and if it's a good attraction.  At the end of the day, the happiness of both is involved.

Many a prudent girl was led astray with honeyed words.--Irish Proverb